If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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