Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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