I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
