I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
