The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it penis luge time yet?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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