is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
