It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
