I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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