M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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