i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
