he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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