Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
