Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
