Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
