Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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