Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
