I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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