When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do herpes really smell.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
