I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
