how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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