I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
