You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
