lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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