Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
