He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
