He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
