I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
