Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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