I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
