I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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