Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
