Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
