Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
