Apparently you make a good broom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
