Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
