I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
