my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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