i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
