Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
