Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
