My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
