I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
