She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
