I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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