Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
