Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
