God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
