you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
