My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
