Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
