I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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