I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
