he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
