I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
