that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
