Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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